The hands that held too tight

Still taken from Crumb — Bones: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD3iG6m44g8

Back in 2015, I wanted to clench happiness so hard I didn't realize that I had hurt my hands instead. I was trapped in the idea of happiness is something that you can feel with your hands but certainly forgot to read the asterisk that says handle with care because the next thing I knew, I already smashed it to bits.

The thing that I held dearly to my heart had slipped through my fingers, disappearing from my sight. The day that I was afraid of eventually happened. I couldn't keep it on my hands—heck, I think I was never ready even when it first came to me easily like a simple 'hi' on my screen. Bruises and fresh line of red greeted me as I looked at the place where it had positioned itself months ago. I sat down, and I let thoughts gushed out from my mind.

The words 'happily ever after' had been imprinted on my brain as an abstract concept that I needed to, at least, put it into some sort of shape. I demanded a concrete existence. I cannot be happy, as I said to myself, if I don't know for sure that the happiness I've been searching for has rested its wings in the palm of my hands—and just like that, I'd done everything to ensure it wouldn't go anywhere again.

Turned out, having it doesn't always mean that you're owning it. It was wrong, if not a dumb idea, to hold onto something just because you want to feel something.

I glanced over my hands for one more time. It tingled.

All I need at that time, I guess, were running water and some time to let it heal itself.